Eyes Wide Shut

Remember that movie, one of Kubrick’s odder forays into postmodern life? Well, there’s a great line from that movie which struck a chord inside me when I watched it. At first I didn’t like it because I felt it was a character flaw to identify with that sentiment. As with many things in life, adulthood has revised my opinion of it slightly.

Tom Cruise’s character interacts with a friend of his from Medical School that he runs into playing the piano at a NY Society party, later much. Tom asks the guy why he never finished, and the guy responded, “Because it feels so good when I walk away.”

Obviously not a personal motto

It’s not something that gets done all the time. But I gave notice at my freelance gig today and I have to say… it feels so good when I walk away.  With that one decision, a major source of stress in my life just disappeared. No, I don’t have another gig lined up yet, but I do have options and projects in the pipeline. Perhaps the timing on the day of the stock market plunge is ill omened, but the fit here was bad to begin with and getting worse all the time. I’m leaving on good terms… as good as you can leave on and still leave, I suppose.

Not every difficult task is a challenge to be overcome. Some of them are guides to show where you’re supposed to turn aside.

Maybe I’m getting too picky, but I own the fact that this is a major force in my professional life. I’ve done the schtick of paying my dues and earning my way in. Time to step into a new role. I’ll have to earn a new set of dues, but they’re the ones with a higher paycheck attached and better use of my knowledge and skills and experiences.

Whatever. I’m really unconcerned about it. Three weeks until final day. Feb 8th.  14 work days to go, and counting.   I have nothing solid to leap into, but I do have confidence in the idea that by taking the first step which feels so right I will quickly see the next ones.

And it will feel so good when I walk away. Or rather, toward whatever comes next.


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